these are some pa hillbilly pics,and jokes.>
>
> I'm passing this along to you as I consider you a valued friend. This
>worked for me and I think it
>
>
> > > may work for you.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > I have found Inner Peace.
> > >
> > > Recently I read an article that stated: The best way
> > > to achieve inner peace is to Finish Things You Have
> > > Started. So today I finished two large bags of
> > > potato chips, the last half of a lemon cream pie,
> > > a nearly full bottle of Jose Cuervo, a small box of
> > > Godiva Chocolates and I slapped the living sh%*@#^*
> > > out of someone I have never liked.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > I feel better than I have felt for a long time. Please
> > >
> > > pass this along to a friend who is in need of Inner Peace.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------->
>THREE BEARS IN 2003:
>> THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES
> Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table,
>he
> looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
> "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.
> Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He
>>looks
> into his big bowl, and it is also empty.
> "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!, "he roars.
> Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
> >>kitchen
> >>and > > yells,
> >> > > > "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this
> >>with
> >> > > > you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear
> >>who
> >> > > > woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee,
> >>it
> >> > > > was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put
> >> > > > everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early
> >> > > > morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the
> >>damn
> >> > > > table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the
> >>litter
> >> > > > box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've
> >> > > > decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm onlygoing to say this one more time.
>> "I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET !! ------------- ------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------- If You're Happy and You Know it, Bomb Iraq
> > > (sung to the tune of... If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your
> > > Hands)
> > >
> > > If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
> > > If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
> > > If the terrorists are Saudi
> > > And the bank takes back your Audi
> > > And the TV shows are bawdy,
> > > Bomb Iraq.
> > >
> > > If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq.
> > > And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
> > > If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
> > > We don't care, and we're not jokin'
> > > That Saddam will soon be croakin',
> > > Bomb Iraq.
> > >
> > > Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
> > > From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
> > > So to hell with the inspections
> > > Let's look tough for the elections
> > > Close your mind and take directions,
> > > Bomb Iraq.
> > >
> > > While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
> > > Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
> > > If the ozone hole is growing
> > > Some things we prefer not knowing
> > > (Though our ignorance is showing),
> > > Bomb Iraq.
> > >
> > > So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
> > > From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
> > > Saying no would look like treason
> > > It's the Hussein hunting season
> > > Even if we have no reason,
> > > Bomb Iraq.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------> > Subject: Bubba
> >
> > Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're
> > suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
> >
> > "Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
> >
> "And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them
> fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is > that true mister lawyer?"
>
> > "Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
> > "Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin' can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've slept with?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>How To Shower Like A Woman
>>
>>1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
>>to lights and darks.
>>
>>2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
>>the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>>
>>3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
>>more sit-ups.
>>
>>4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
>>wide loofah, and pumice stone.
>>
>>5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
>>vitamins.
>>
>>6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean!
>>
>>7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
>>natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
>>
>>8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
>>red.
>>
>>9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
>>
>>10. Complain because your husband has been eating your ginger nut and
>>Jaffa cake body wash.
>>
>>11. Rinse conditioner off hair.
>>
>>12. Shave armpits and legs.
>>
>>13. Turn off shower.
>>
>>14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
>>Tilex.
>>
>>15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
>>hair in super absorbent towel.
>>
>>16. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.
>>
>>17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>>
>>18. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>
>>How To Shower Like a Man
>>
>>1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
>>in a pile.
>>
>>2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
>>wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
>>
>>3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
>>wiener and scratch your butt.
>>
>>4. Get in the shower.
>>
>>5. Wash your face.
>>
>>6. Wash your armpits.
>>
>>7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>>
>>8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
>>sound in the shower.
>>
>>9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>>
>>10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
>>
>>11. Shampoo your hair.
>>
>>12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
>>
>>13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>>
>>14. Pee.
>>
>>15. Rinse off and get out of shower.
>>
>>16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
>>hanging out of tub the whole time.
>>
>>17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>>
>>18. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>>
>>19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,
>>pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
>>
>>20. Throw wet towel on bed.
>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->Subject: Too Tired
>
>
>
>
> > > >>> Jenny's husband Charley was a male chauvinist. Even though they both
> > > > worked
> > > >>> full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman's
> > > >>> work!
> > > >>>
> > > >>> But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children
> > > >>> bathed,
> > > >>> one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner
> > > >>> on the
> > > >>> stove, and the table set. She was astonished; something's up.
> > > >>>
> > > >>> It turns out that Charley had read an article that said wives who
> > > >>> worked
> > > >>> full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have
> > > >>> sex.
> > > >>>
> > > >>> The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all
> > > > about
> > > >>> it. "We had a great dinner. Charley even cleaned up. He helped the
> > > >>> kids
> > > > do
> > > >>> their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I
> > > >>> really
> > > >>> enjoyed the evening.
> > > >>>
> > > >>> "But what about afterward?" asked her friends "Oh, that was perfect
> > > >>> too.
> > > >>> Charley was too tired!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Bus Ride
> A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8
> children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus
> arrives,
> they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are
> able
> to fit in the bus.
>
> So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the
> husband
> gets irritated by the tapping of the stick of the blind man and says
> to
> him,
> "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that
> continual tapping sound is driving me crazy!!"
>
> The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of
> YOUR
> stick, we'd be riding in the bus right now, so shut up!!!!"
